The line “Manifest your destiny” always makes me laugh. I don’t know if it’s because of my own experience with manifesting, or what. It just seems kind of… fluffy to me.
Here’s why: When I lived in the Cayman Islands, I worked with my first life coach. I distinctly remember our weekly sessions where we’d work on manifesting my destiny.
Picture this: I’m sitting on my pleather black couch in the humid Caribbean heat, sweating so much that when I’d stand up, it felt like tearing a bandage off the backs of my legs. My coach would make me stand anyway, and I’d watch the white coily phone cord bounce up and down in the air (this was pre-earbuds, obviously) while I went deep into my subconscious.
The white tiles on my floor were about 12″ x 12″, so I could stand in each one comfortably.
So there I am standing, the backs of my legs stinging from the couch, and he asks me to close my eyes and imagine a quadrant (I pictured the tile floor). Then he asked me to describe my future, what I wanted.
This is what I said: “I imagine being the owner of a running/bookstore. People will come to grab their favorite book, meet like-minded people—maybe in the romance section—and from there, a romance running club will be born. Book clubs will take place during runs. Mysteries will be solved, lovers will find each other, and the angst of teenage love will come to life between heavy breathing on the sidewalk. The store will be brick, and in the back room there will be a yoga studio/reading room in Boston.”
I talked about the runners, the customers, the hours, the store’s location (on a corner next to a coffee shop and a bar, with a health food store across the street).
Then he asked me to step into the store—to tell him how it smells, how it feels. Is there carpet or hardwood? With each question, he moved me from one quadrant to another (touch, smell, taste, sounds). Each quadrant was a new door I’d walk into and explain a new sense.
Obviously it worked—I can still feel myself working through that exercise, my left arm getting tired from holding the phone up to my ear for 30 minutes.
But did I manifest anything from that?
Maybe (if I was telling you this story in person, my voice would raise and squeak a bit)? I moved to Boston. I ran a marathon. I had a yoga business… but that’s it. No running/bookstore. No romance running club. No brick building with a coffee shop next door.
So When I Hear “Manifest Your Destiny,” I’m Cynical
Yep, I’m Gen X. I tried the visualization ceremonies, the sensory quadrants, the whole thing. And I’m not anti-coaching—I believe in it. I’ve worked with TWO career coaches. But here’s what I learned: The visualization ceremony didn’t manifest my destiny. The small actions I took AFTER feeling a gut-level pull—those manifested everything.
Recently I was talking to a colleague and told him the following:
- “Yeah, I always wanted to be a wedding planner…”
- “After visiting the Cayman Islands I KNEW I had to live there—in fact when I saw my friend Judd, I said to him, ‘Good thing we bumped into each other because in a year from now, I’ll be in the Cayman Islands!'” (I had no job prospects. No living situation.)
- “Boston is my home. Oh—no, I don’t live there, I’m not from there. I just know it will be my home.”
- “I want to live in London AND work for a law firm.”
- “I love organizations and understanding how people work—what motivates them and how to get them to do their best.”
Here’s how each of the above manifested:
- I became a wedding planner living in the Cayman Islands.
- I moved to Boston and have been here for twenty years. There’s no place else I’d want to be… well, maybe Portsmouth or New Castle, NH.
- I lived in London and worked at TWO law firms.
- I am the most successful coxswain in UNH history. I got a Masters in Organizational Development and Change, which is all about finding efficiencies by working with large groups of people to align them with their best work.
And my favorite: I broke up with a boyfriend and told him, “Sorry, I just don’t think we can make it work, but I promise—the next people we date and fall in love with will be our significant others.” I went on Match.com to meet more people in Boston, and I decided that if I really wanted to make it work, I would pick the guy and reach out to him. I would not date anyone who reached out to me. Within three months, I had found my husband—the guy in the purple spandex winking at the camera (that’s a story for another time). That was 20 years ago.
Hindsight is 20/20
I can’t claim I manifested everything perfectly. When I was standing in my apartment in Cayman visualizing that running/bookstore, I sure as heck didn’t manifest THAT. But I did manifest everything I needed to get me to where I am today.
So how did I manage to achieve so much when I didn’t visualize it? When I didn’t use all of my senses to put myself into the various places, ideas, and situations I made happen?
To be honest: I followed my gut. I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I was compelled to do it—to make it happen. I felt it in my bones that I was supposed to live in the Caymans. I felt it deeply in my heart and soul that I needed to work at a law firm. I went on Match.com and took action. There was no sorcery or witchcraft, voodoo or hocus pocus—no visualization ceremonies.
All it was was a feeling, a hunch, and from that I laid the tracks, one tie at a time.
Train Ties, Not Rails
I’m not sure how train tracks are actually laid—do they put the rails down first? Because in my case, and the way I go about my goals, I think it makes more sense to lay the ties down first—those wooden planks that serve as the foundation for the rails.
If I lay the rails down first, it seems like I already know where I’m going. But I only knew the general direction, not the exact destination (totally contrary to traditional goal-setting). All I knew was that I needed to take small actions to get me moving, and eventually, I’d make it to my destination—London, Boston, wedding planning, my husband.
Let me break down one example: Moving to the Cayman Islands with no job.
Train Tie #1: Told my friend Judd I’d be living there in a year (declared it out loud)
Train Tie #2: Started researching cost of living and work visa requirements
Train Tie #3: Applied to three hotel sales positions
Train Tie #4: Got one interview via phone
Train Tie #5: Booked a flight for the in-person interview (even though I wasn’t sure I could afford to move)
Train Tie #6: Accepted the job offer
Train Tie #7: Packed my life into two suitcases
Each giant accomplishment was only made possible by small action items. No single step was glamorous or felt like “manifesting.” But each one led to the next.
It’s Your Turn
Start thinking about the goals you’ve manifested—or more concretely, goals you’ve accomplished. How did you get there? Break it down, step by step, tie by tie.
Think back to your first step, your second step, your third step. Do you see how each giant accomplishment was only made true by small actions?
Let’s start there. How can you break your big goal down into an action that you’ll take today? Tomorrow? This week?
It’s your turn to Commit, Create, and Celebrate the good that happens from small steps.
I believe in you.