Haha! Have I arrived? I am literally sitting at Starbucks writing a post on a napkin. “Oh hello, Southwest Airlines! I heard this is how you started.”
“What’s that Abe? You don’t have anything to write the Gettysburg Address on? Here, let me give you this tattered envelope, you can use the back.”
So I was riding in this morning thinking about the relentless pursuit towards perfection (mine in writing this blog, being a mother, a wife, a student….) When I looked up and saw a hanging plant of pink petunias. They were beautiful! The way the sun was shining on them, they looked like the only thing around! The color pink was perfect, its contrast against the green leaves – perfect, the stillness of the hanging basket – perfect! And then when my position moved a bit to the left, I observed that half of the plant looked like it had been living in the dessert! The flowers had wilted and browned, the leaves were just hanging on “water! water.” they seemed to whisper hoarsely. The beauty of the first side shone even more brightly against this side.
I turned my attention towards the side of an old brick warehouse. The exposed brick was now faded red with muted blotches of white and black. I looked again and saw that it was the paint remaining from an old advertisement that was posted on the wall. There were some letters remaining, an “a” and “o” but the paint provided a depth and texture to an otherwise red brick wall. It too was perfect because of its patina.
I started thinking of patina and how it’s the desired effect. My uncle is an antique dealer and years ago he came across a Cod weathervane that had just been removed from a barn on Cape Cod. He sold it at auction for well over six figures. A weathervane of a fish. A piece (or pieces of copper with some lead) on a stick that was on top of someone’s house, over six figures. It points the direction of the wind, and it’s decorative.
Over six figures! I had to know why. My uncle said for two main reasons:
- It’s a cod that came from a house on Cape Cod.
- The patina on it was perfect
So, when this fish was first formed and put out to show the weather, it was copper- a nice red/pinky/ orangy color. And over the years as it was exposed to hot sun, cold wind, sleet, hail, rain, salt, stillness, whatever Mother Nature has in her arsenal was thrown at the weathervane. It was jerked back and forth, it was still, it dizzily spun around, and at the end, it was perfect.
So, here it comes… no matter what I”m up against, the laughter, tears, fear, doubt, assumptions, elation anticipation, anxiety, hope, it’s all going towards creating my patina. So no matter how hard I reach for perfection, and no matter how much I beat myself up, it makes no difference, the experience, is creating my patina, and when I can accept it for what it is- for making me myself, that there is nothing perfect and if there is perfection, it comes from experiences. It’s like the petunias, they were even more beautiful against their flaws. The weathervane was more beautiful with its age and experience and imperfections.